By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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