he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
