Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
