I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
