shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
