Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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