I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
