She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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