My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want to be your penis for a week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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