My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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