i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Say something about gay babies.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
