And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
