seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
