i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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