we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
