Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is wine microwaveable?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
