im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
