One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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