there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
