there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
