if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
