thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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