omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
