I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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