Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love accidental penises.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
