You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
