:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
