corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
