glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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