I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
