Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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