First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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