Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
