Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
