the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
