Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
