She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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