Your tits are I can't wait for
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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