is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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