it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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