Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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