You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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