Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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