Where is the hickey?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
