sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
