i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
