I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she looked like the before picture.
The best revenge is premature balding
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
