your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
