You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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