Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
