So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
